"Sky High" is fairly new over here...my 4 year old and my 16 year old both like it. Kurt Russell in tights...ha!!
SK
Seeking Knowledge
JoinedPosts by Seeking Knowledge
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21
Need help - Movies that kids like
by Sam the Man inhi all, i have my kids coming over with friends, age range 4-9, but as if that isnt enough i need to think of some movies (films) that i could give them to watch.
i have the new harry potter, and wallace and gromit rabbit, plus charlie and the choco factory - any other suggestions!??!?!
much appreciat@ed
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"Go and get yourself ADOPTED THEN!!!!!!"
by Jez inmy 15 year old phoned her jw father tonight.
a relationship between the two does not exist.
(i have touched on the reason why in other posts regarding both my children).
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Seeking Knowledge
Jez:
It sounds like your husband is the "dad" she needs all around good for him! It also sounds like your daughter sees her "father" for what he is, and I know she'll see that it's not HER that makes him that way. They really don't have any control over their emotions when they are challenged do they? It's too damn bad they take it out on the kids they really never see past the end of their noses.
good for your (((daughter))).
SK
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42
Hi, I'm very new!!!
by Rebekah ini've just found this site this evening.
i've been off work with a bad cold since tuesday and there was a knock on the door this afternoon.
i don't usually answer the door to strangers but on this occasion i did as i could see 2 elderly gentlemen.
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Seeking Knowledge
Rabekah
I never realised that the JW's were like this!!!
Me either...until I became involved with one & we had a child together. It's been a long & continually bumpy road for me, I hope you do alot of research and come to your own conclusions.
SK
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Seeking Knowledge
LOL @ Horrible Life.....hee
SK does not...
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41
What is on your keychain?
by lonelysheep ini haven't changed or added anything on mine for about a year.
so it's the car dealership tag, mario from super mario bros., 7 savings cards for grocery stores and the gym id tag.
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Seeking Knowledge
I heard about hurting the ignition by carrying too many trinkets on the key ring
Guilty!! But I use all my keys....so in addition to the necessary ones, I have my remote start/alarm doohickey, a couple grocery store scanners (hey, they're light) and my St Andrews Flag fob from Scotland.
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Please help me, I need advice on dating a JW!!
by Super_Becka inok, i'm new here, so please be gentle.
maybe the advice i need is somewhere else in this forum, but i really don't want to have to search for it, i really need some advice now and i don't have the time to sift through all of the other entries here.
so please bear with me and share any and all advice you have, even if you think it's not what i want to hear.
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Seeking Knowledge
No I do not think you are defending him. I think you are trying to convince youself
Agreed, and no one would blame you for that, that's so easy to do when one is in the beginning of a new relationship. We all overlook our potential "others" possible downfalls & bad habits, figuring maybe we can change it, or maybe it's not so bad and we can live with it. Maybe even the thrill of thinking we can "save" him/her from something we feel may be destructive. Again, it's good that you are looking into this & arming yourself now instead of later.
He won't change. If he and his family aren't as "into it" as you indicate, then birthdays, Christmas, etc would be no big deal for them. Sure they can meet you & be friendly, but once you are married or become more serious, they will fall back on WHAT THEY KNOW. The first sign you should be paying attention to is why HE WILL NOT celebrate & discourages you from doing so. Do you really want to make a life with someone that doesn't want you to do something you've done all your life? A leopard doesn't change its spots, he will always make this an issue.
I'd dig a little deeper if I were you. Ask him why they (and he) are willing to welcome you in if you're not a JW. Ask him if they KNOW you have no intention of being one and plan to celebrate whatever holiday you feel the need to celebrate. If they are fairweather JW's then maybe you can make it work. My ex did the same thing, he did what he wanted and even today, as a baptised member, he still picks & chooses what fits him. The point is, he fell away from it once, and WENT BACK as the pull of what was "right" to him was too strong, once his lie became too big to ignore. Does his family go to meetings?? Are they active? If not why?? Why doesn't he go?? My fear for you goes back to the whole "he doesn't want me to celebrate" thing. He's not that far from the pull. If you're his first girlfriend at the age of 28 then he's had no practice with compromise or disputes in a relationship, it'll be his way or the highway in his way of thinking, which clearly, is all he knows.
Just my .02
SK
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Please help me, I need advice on dating a JW!!
by Super_Becka inok, i'm new here, so please be gentle.
maybe the advice i need is somewhere else in this forum, but i really don't want to have to search for it, i really need some advice now and i don't have the time to sift through all of the other entries here.
so please bear with me and share any and all advice you have, even if you think it's not what i want to hear.
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Seeking Knowledge
Super_Becka:
There's not a whole lot I can add to what's already been said. I've been in your position, and my "unpracticing JW" and I were together for several years, I didn't question why he wanted to get married so soon or "loved" me so soon just thought that was how he was. He told me his parents hated me and therefore would have nothing to do with me, so I accepted it as their loss. I decorated my home (he lived with me) and celebrated all the holidays regardless of how he felt because I had a child and wasn't going to deny her anything. He never told me not to, he always accepted the gifts I bought. I had NO IDEA what he was going thru with his family and his religion. I NEVER questioned anything, I had no idea what being a JW was all about, just thought they didn't do birthdays or Christmas, never thought to ask why!! I was in love with this man and we were going to be together forever as far as I was concerned. I only wish NOW that I had questioned it and learned more about it. This site has been a great source for me.
It wasn't until our own surprise was born that he was forced to face the lie that was his life. He turned on me (for lack of a better term) and went back to his flock & his family who accepted him with arms wide open. He married (within 6 months of leaving us) a "nice" JW girl, and had another son. Today he is in the middle of a divorce and his wife is pregnant with their second child. That's another story.
My son attends meetings with his father as they fall on his court appointed visitation nites. I can't stop him, and since he now almost 5 years old, he's able to tell me what he's learning/hearing. I've always stressed to my son to question why he learns what he learns (in my religion as well) and try to stay on his level to explain that "that's what daddy believes" over what I believe. Our custody is that my son will be with me and his sister for all holidays and should the need for a blood transfusion come up, I get final say. The other day my son thought he should hide his halloween candy as "daddy doesn't like it" and it broke my heart. No kid should have to worry about offending or upsetting his parent at the age of 5!! I can only hope the kid grows up with some sanity at this point!
I would never wish this on anyone. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to face in my life. To watch my Ex, whom I loved very very much, treat me as if I am a non entity in our sons life and his as well. To watch him run off and marry so soon after moving out of our home and still telling me he loved me broke my heart in so many ways that now I can't even be in the same room with him, he is not the same person that he was when we were together (which of course, now I realize why). Even now, when he's hurting and divorcing and I should be laughing at him, I can't. I have to stay strong for our son and pick up the pieces left over from his father living the lie that is and has been, his life. Unfortunately, he now has my son and is doing what he can to indoctrinate him into his beliefs.
You're doing the right thing. Ask the questions without confrontation. Let him know what you expect from a relationship with him, let him know that you will not tolerate lies or telling any future children that you are "bird food" etc. I understand you're not ready for marriage yet, you're so young which is smart, but it won't hurt to get as much information in your head as you can, but from my point of view, I can't see anything good come from this relationship. You could have been writing about my ex. If he's not "in" but still holds onto his beliefs because he was brought up that way, he'll never be "out".
Good Luck
SK
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HELP IKEA! I Have a Home Decor Nightmare!
by banished1 inanyone want to talk about home decorating????
i have been in this tiny cabin now for 4 years since my dfing and i am starved for space and the ability to decorate.
while a jw i was in a 3 bedroom home.
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Seeking Knowledge
WOW Legolas.....handy with a bow & arrow AND decorating!! Who'da thought??
Any chance you're up for hire?? I could use your eye for design!!
My sister in law is wonderful at that as well, and I use her as inspiration, but it always seems something gets lost in translation! Oh well, I just painted my dining room/kitchen, and while I like it, I'm already looking at changing the color. My 16 year old tells me I have to wait at least 6 months....dammit. At least the walls aren't WHITE!! And that says alot for me!!
SK
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I need some advise regarding my son
by Seeking Knowledge in...who spends time with his jw father, and in turn, his jw father takes him to meeting, etc.
i cannot change this as it's court ordered (the nites he spends with his dad) but when he turns 6 (he's almost 5 now), our custody will change, and i will gain the time that he would otherwise be going with his dad.
until then, of course, he's learning things, that i would love to show him a way to think for himself.
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Seeking Knowledge
Thanks for the reassurance & the thoughts. I do like to think I'm doing this the right way, trying really hard not to knock his dad (which isn't easy as he has made this difficult at best) and letting him know again & again that he doesn't have to think the same way his dad does. I figure that yes, he will see his dad for what he is and does (in this issue & others) and that won't be because I've told him so...I'll just gently nudge!
He's a good kid and I want nothing more than for him to come out of this relatively sane! Here's hoping!
whew....I feel a little better.....Thanks!
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I need some advise regarding my son
by Seeking Knowledge in...who spends time with his jw father, and in turn, his jw father takes him to meeting, etc.
i cannot change this as it's court ordered (the nites he spends with his dad) but when he turns 6 (he's almost 5 now), our custody will change, and i will gain the time that he would otherwise be going with his dad.
until then, of course, he's learning things, that i would love to show him a way to think for himself.
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Seeking Knowledge
...who spends time with his JW father, and in turn, his JW father takes him to meeting, etc. I cannot change this as it's court ordered (the nites he spends with his dad) but when he turns 6 (he's almost 5 now), our custody will change, and I will gain the time that he would otherwise be going with his dad. I do take him to church with me every Sunday so that he can understand there are options for him, but he still has the exposure to the JW beliefs. (I'm not JW, never was)
Until then, of course, he's learning things, that I would LOVE to show him a way to think for himself. As it is he knows that his dad & I do not have the same beliefs. He knows that his dad doesn't "like Christmas" and "doesn't like Birthdays" but it's ok that we do. I suppose that is a step in the right direction because before he was telling me that "daddy says Christmas/Birthdays/everything else is bad". I came unglued, told his father that in no uncertain terms was he to tell our son that. He argued as only he could, and I actually held my own against his "way of thinking". The sad thing is, our son is only 4 and it's hard for me to "talk" to him. He's already showing signs of arguing when I tell him he needs to understand that his dad believes that, but it doesn't make it true. He's afraid of his dad in that he will say/do whatever he can to make his dad happy as his father rules with fear. We just had Halloween and while my son enjoyed every moment of it when it came time for his dad to pick him up, he told me he had to "hide the candy" because his "dad doesn't like halloween" I told him that was silly, it's just candy (for God's sake!!) and put the candy back where it was. He was ok with that from there.
Last nite I was looking at a magazine that showed the earthquake damage in Pakistan, my son asked me what it was, I told him and he said "Oh Jehovah makes the earthquakes for paradise". He then went on to tell me that he could "play with the animals in paradise" or something along those lines. All I could say to him was "that is what Daddy believes" cuz I really didn't know what else to say.
How do you reason religion with a 4-5 year old so that he doesn't grow up thinking that this is all he can know? I'm not sure what else I can tell this beautiful little boy so that he will understand! He goes to church with me, he's got bibles and books & just about anything else I can encourage him to look at without trying to shove it down his throat the way his dad is doing. I keep telling him that he will make his own choices in life and not to let anyone tell him what he can or can't do but HE'S 4.......arg!!! It's just so frustrating sometimes!
Any thoughts??